Today’s post comes on the heels of a rather bold thing I tried out yesterday…I don’t know where I got the strength to do it, but somehow, I managed to live through the embarrassment and move on:
If you’ve followed my blog for any length of time, you may be aware that I’m dealing with some ugly health issues. Now, when I say “ugly,” I’m talking about the things that are going on inside, like hormonal imbalances and food sensitivities…but sometimes, all of that internal ugliness likes to remind me of its presence by taking out its anger on my face.
I’m going to write a little more about the whole acne issue in my next post, but suffice it to say that it’s pretty obvious that the acne is definitely an issue.
I’ve always had acne, but over the past year, things have gotten so bad that there are days–weeks–when I’m embarrassed to leave the house because of how I look. I’ve tried every topical and internal treatment from tea tree oil to proactive to pore cleansing strips to antibiotics. And, at the end (or rather the beginning) of the day, I slap on layers of makeup and sneak past my mirror.
But I’m at the point where the makeup doesn’t even help, and I’m realizing that I’ve been using it as a crutch instead of “facing” the facts: this is who I am, and what I look like, and the mirror can’t hurt me.
Today’s happiness trigger is a tough one–one that may not trigger happiness at first. But it’s a challenge that I think will lead to greater happiness and freedom once it’s met: to trigger HAPPY, go a day without makeup.
I love makeup* as much as the next gal–but I want to get to a point in my life where I see it as an option, not a necessity.
Wearing makeup is an act of hiding, putting on a mask and ignoring the problem. Everyone can see the problems bubbling beneath the surface, but somehow makeup makes it easier for us to avert our eyes and avoid the issue. Sometimes, the mask even makes the problems worse, which means that we become dependent on it–to hide the problems that it’s amplifying. It’s a vicious circle.
In a way, I see makeup as a sort of universal metaphor for the ways in which we practice avoidance and hurt ourselves instead of forgiving ourselves for the “ugliness” we perceive during the time of healing.
And healing isn’t pretty. Recovery isn’t pretty. Dealing with our demons can be downright grotesque.
But I’m going to give it a shot, take off the mask, and see if I can find a little beauty in the process. The mirror can’t judge me, and others’ opinions don’t matter. Mine is the only face I have, and I’m going to learn how to respect it.
It’s not going to be easy, but I think, in time, I’ll be a lot happier for it.
Would you take off your makeup? What other masks do you wear–and have you ever tried to trigger HAPPY by removing them?
As always, I’m listening.
*PS While we’re on the subject, if you’re going to use makeup, I’d suggest looking into some more natural/organic/crap-free brands. Part of my transition to Paleo nutrition has been to transition to a more holistic total-body approach–which has included giving up shampoo/conditioner (again), as well as using the oil cleansing method on my face. No more chemical for cleaning means no more chemicals for makeup either. I’ve been doing the research on some “better” brands, and there are some great suggestions in Liz Wolfe’s Skintervention Guide, which is amazing (and what I’m using to find solutions for healing my skin…).